— Google (@google) May 28, 2015
I love Google, but that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that they’re taking over the world.
These days, everything is Google. Over 900 million people use Gmail (I have two accounts). Statistics that are probably already outdated estimate that 1.17 billion people make 11.944 billion Google searches each month, which is over 75% of the US search market.
You Google search your worst fears, your grossest bodily habits, and your deepest desires– and Google remembers. If you stay logged in to your Google account, it’s legitimately tracking you everywhere, from innocent sites like YouTube to dirtier videos. If you use Google Chrome, every website you visit gets stored by Google, even when you go incognito.
Last week, Google launched Google Tone, an experimental extension that uses sound to exchange URL information. This allows nearby devices that use Tone to pick up a transmitted tone and open the corresponding website on your browser. That’s info stored in sound, people.
Today, Google unveiled Google Photos, a free and unlimited image storage feature. Announced at the I/O Keynote, Photos promises to be an easy and efficient way to maintain, edit, and even share today’s most popular medium: the visual.
We all have thousands of pictures on our phones, a good chunk of which we probably took whilst inebriated and haven’t looked at since. Google Photos organizes all of these and gives you one of the coolest things we’ve heard of yet: a feature that allows you to use keywords like ‘pizza,’ ‘beach,’ or ‘d*ck pic’ to search your library, and while it might not be correct 100% of the time, it still means that the program has taken your pictures and made categorical judgements about them. Forget scrolling through your overwhelming albums, passing over that one image several times before your eyes finally spot it: Photos can read your photos.
Photos can also often identify where a picture was taken (sans the geotag), automatically create GIFs and short videos, and save space on your phone by compressing the images.
This all sounds great, which it is. And since Google already has most of your information anyway, I guess it’s really not that big of a deal. Throw in your bank info and Social Security number while you’re at it.
Google Photos: because why not let Google organize all your nudiez for you?